Let's face it. Doing yoga is meant to be relaxing, but more often than not it can be a stressful ordeal. Here are some thoughts that cross everyone's mind when trying to achieve inner peace.
So you’ve managed to motivate yourself enough to attend a local yoga class. Feeling proud of yourself you waltz in and take a seat, then you look around at the lycra clad figures and the first feelings of unease begin to creep in.
You’ll be happy to hear, you’re not the only one who hears the words 'cow pose' and is completely lost.
1. How do I breathe?
Apparently, despite managing to suck up enough oxygen for the past 20 years or so to stay alive, I’ve been breathing wrong the whole time. How do they hold one breath in for so long? How come I'm doing about 4 little breaths for every one of their huge breaths?
2. This is not an attractive pose
Regardless of the fact that whenever anyone in a movie does yoga they look like some skinny, flexible pretzel, you’re certain your own butt just looks huge.
3. Why am I so sweaty?
This is yoga, it's basically just stretching, so why is moisture oozing out of every pore in my body! My hands beginning to slide against the mat is really not helping me maintain this downward facing dog.
4. This is NOT relaxing!
I’ve literally never been in as much pain as I am currently, and I’m so tense I think I’m about to pass out. This is meant to be stress relieving but I have no clue how, plus we’re only halfway through.
5. Don’t laugh, don’t laugh, don’t laugh
Breathing through my inner eye, window wiping my legs and drawing my anus into my centre is NOT FUNNY. Hopefully no-one can see my shoulders shaking.
6. Why are we holding this pose for a million years?
You feel the ominous shaking feeling in your arms and begin to wonder: is there any way to relieve the pressure building in your muscles without crashing on the mat in a crumpled heap.
7. Please don’t let me see anyone I know
Peering through my legs with a red, sweaty face and hair hanging in every direction is not the best time to say hello to a guy I vaguely recognise from lectures. I'll never be able to look them in the face again.
8. Is that even physically possible?
I’m pretty sure that the only way I’ll be able to recreate whatever that pose is called is if I sprout about 3 extra legs to hold me upright. Is this yoga instructor even human?
9. Why does this stretch feel like it's ripping my leg in half?
No matter how much the yoga instructor says that this shouldn’t be painful and it's only stretching the muscles, it still feels pretty darn painful to me.
10. I am a zen goddess
You hear the word 'namaste' when everyone starts leaving and you suddenly realise it wasn’t that bad! You’re obviously a yoga natural and will definitely be back next week to show them how it's really done!
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