Six honest quotes about long-distance relationships from ‘To All The Boys’

Molly Judgeon 18 February 2021
couple with candles

You might have heard your friends, or people in movies, saying that long distance relationships don’t work. But, is it true and can you survive the separation?

You might have heard your friends, or people in movies, saying that long distance relationships don’t work. But, is it true and can you survive the separation? We’ve compiled some quotes from the ‘To All The Boys’ series on how to deal with long-distance love.

Of course, long distance relationships aren’t easy, especially during a pandemic when it’s not your choice to be apart, but they can be 100% worth it. If you love and trust your partner, this will help you make it work and you’ll be much stronger as a couple for having done so.

It’s really important to remember that moving away and starting university is a period of great change and, consequently, also of growth. Prepare for the dynamics of your relationship to shift; this is totally normal and healthy, and it just means you may have to make a conscious effort to be understanding and flexible. After all, as you’ll likely realise when you start uni, change can be really fun and exciting. 

Long distance relationships require honesty and good communication. Here are some of the best ways to make it work and to keep up the romance. 

Visit when you can

“The distance came slowly, like seawater filling up a boat, without us even realizing it. Before you know it you're underwater.”

Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean

First of all, and most obviously, visit when you can. Staying at each other’s new homes is great, and it’s nice to meet your partner’s new flatmates and live their uni life for a couple of days. While quality time strengthens your relationship, it’s also comforting when you can imagine your partner’s new life. At the same time, try not to put too much pressure on each visit, particularly the first, which might feel a little strange. While you may not like the idea of spending a lot of time apart, it makes seeing each other really special. It’s also important to balance visiting each other with your own activities and plans, so that you don’t lose out on your uni experience. 

Make time for quality communication

“When someone's been gone a long time, at first you save up all the things you want to tell them. You try to keep track of everything in your head. But it's like trying to hold on to a fistful of sand: all the little bits slip out of your hands, and then you're just clutching air and grit.”

Jenny Han, To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Calling or FaceTiming a few times a week is SO much better than constantly messaging. This is the best piece of advice I could possibly give for long distance relationships. Because you’re seeing each other less, quality communication is key. While it’s fun to keep in contact via messaging, you don’t get a proper connection. And if you message all day, you’ll have nothing to say on the phone. Also, you can miss out when you’re glued to your phone. Just think about the FOMO!

Plan FaceTime dates

This may feel a little silly but it will be 100% worth it. Dress up, cook the same meal and then eat it on FaceTime for a cute, virtual date. For something slightly more low-key, watch a film at the same time with Netflix Party and message throughout or even plan to watch an episode of something every week and chat about it afterwards. We all know watching a series with someone else is so much more fun!

If you’re looking for other ideas on how to create the perfect virtual date, then check out these ideas

Send postcards

“I don't think relationships are just about physicality. There are ways to show you care about someone, not just using your lips. Or any other part.”

Jenny Han, To All the Boys I've Loved Before

Pretty old-fashioned but super romantic. Because postcards take longer to arrive, it’s really exciting when you receive one. These are a lot more meaningful than instant messages and knowing someone has taken the time to buy, write and send it makes you really appreciate them. And sending someone an awful, cheesy or touristy postcard can really make them laugh.

When it gets heated…

“But with me he's been distant. Like even though he's right here next to me, he feels far away. Unreachable.”

Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean

If things are getting heated via message, or you just feel like it’s not working out, call up your partner and have a proper chat. We all know that it is easy for messages to be misconstrued or humour to be interpreted as serious and that it’s even easier to quickly send something that really shouldn’t be sent. If an argument is starting or you can feel some tension, either call or leave it for a while to cool down. 

Equally, things might get heated in a good way! We won’t say too much here but you can keep up the romance with FaceTime, messaging or even pictures… For more tips on that front, check out this

Take comfort

“Life is beautiful, and messy, and never goes according to plan.I do know that love, real love, is choosing each other through all of it, every single day. Beginning and middle and end.” - Lara Jean

You will have really great experiences, meet amazing people and learn a lot at university but occasionally there will be times when you really, really miss your partner. Lending each other a jumper or piece of clothing can be really comforting. And always bear in mind, the rain makes us appreciate the sun even more. 

Take photos

Very obvious but really great. Print photos of your loved one and put them up around your room. We recommend apps like FreePrints which are really cheap and easy to use. Even better, send them to your partner as a cute gift.

Be honest

Long distance requires trust and this requires honesty. This is not to say that your partner has the right to know every part of your life but have a think about things if you aren’t honest about where or who you’re spending time with. 

Keep it real

“It snuck up on me—growing up, I mean.”

Jenny Han, Always and Forever, Lara Jean

Finally, remember that this isn’t ideal, no one is perfect and there will definitely be ups and downs. After all, you won’t be spending as much time with your number one as before and it might basically suck. While arguments may feel worse when you’re apart, the important thing is that you really care for one another and you love your partner more than being right in an argument. Going long distance can be scary but it can also be an amazing opportunity to grow as individuals and as a couple. 

If you haven’t already read our first article on how to survive a long distance relationship at university, then check it out here

Molly Judgeon 18 February 2021