We don’t like to shame people on their drinking habits – plenty of students survive university sober! But you will for sure meet some people who love a tipple and fall under a certain ‘type’. Take a read below for who you’re likely to collide with on a night out.
Beware of the Smoking Area Snakes. They may not even be a regular smoker in their sober daily lives, but as soon as they get slightly drunk, suddenly they are desperate for a smoke. So they slither into the smoking area for some ‘fresh air’, when actually they have a sob story ready for the unsuspecting victim: oh your friend ditched you with your pack of cigs? You left all your money at home? You’ve had a bad day so could really do with a stranger giving away a cigarette? Wow, smh.
The Prink Peaker
You need to save money so prinks must strike the right balance of being drunk enough to last the night, but not sober enough to have to buy a round at the bar. Everyone will eventually find this balance, apart from that one kid who went too hard too early and has now already peaked before leaving the house. We’ve all been there mate, but don’t make it a habit.
You like to brag about your “fire” playlists? You’re always begging to connect to the speaker? You refuse to take any requests to not ruin the “vibe” at prinks where there are only five people? Think that you should so start a SoundCloud account to share your talent with the world? Calm down, we’ll just use an algorithm on Spotify and add some classic bangers.
Babe – you just can’t hack it. You know you’re a lightweight and yet you still take it too far. Catch this one leaving the club with heavy eyelids and two people propping them up while the bouncers laugh on.
The Dancing Queen
They know all the lyrics to every song and they don’t care what they look like when they’re waving their hands in the air. When you have a bit of a rogue group of people and the alcohol hasn’t hit yet, trust the Dancing Queen to get everyone pumped up on the dancefloor.
I don’t care if it’s tactical or whether you’re just a lightweight. Stop. Throwing. Up.
They’re not replying to my messages or answering my calls? Do Snap Maps say they’re still here? We promised tonight we’d hang out? Classic M.I.A. (Missing In Action) – goes AWOL at the beginning of the night and then you find them at closing time when apparently they say they’ve “been looking all over for!”. Whatever.
How do they do it? They can pull anyone. All they have to do is make eye contact, give a cheeky wink, and then all of a sudden, they’re necking someone next to the men’s toilets.
The Hype Master
Wine is fuel to them. Usually also v physically affectionate. Can be found giving a pep talk to a stranger they met five minutes ago in the toilets. Particularly useful to those post-breakup, post-results, and pre-pulling. A valuable asset as a drunk friend.
Commonly also the Mum Friend™ of the group. Need a taxi calling? Already did it ten minutes ago. Need some journey juice? I have a flask in my bag. Someone chundering? Here’s some water and don’t worry, I’ve just tied your hair back.
We’ve barely entered the club and you already want to get cheesy chips from the burger van outside? Have some patience.
The Big Spender
When you find the Big Spender who does not realise the true purpose of a student loan, do not let them go. All it takes is a can of Carling and then they’re splashing the cash getting everyone a round of Jaeger bombs. We appreciate you, especially when starting to sober up at about 2 AM.
Tends to be the emotionally repressed one of the group when sober. But it all comes pouring out once that third drink has been poured out too. Have a couple of minutes in the cubicle to sort yourself out love.
The Game Master
You’ve got a rogue prinks with a mixture of housemates, coursemates, and plus ones. How are you going to get everyone to mingle? Don’t worry, the Game Master is on hand. This mythical figure somehow knows every great drinking game known to man, can detect where the nearest deck of cards is hidden and can remember the rules even when drunk?! Truly a gift and a godsend for a very nervous host.
The Beef Eater
Sipping your drink as you watch the drama unfold – despite being the one to stir the pot and spill the secrets? You just love eating all the beef up, don’t you?
Good luck on your night outs when colliding with these people and cheers to whatever type of drunk student you are!