Feeling hungover? You've got the mum friend. Fancy a night out? You've got the wild friend. Lucky for you, university is bursting full of a type of friend for every occasion. The question is: Which one are you?
1. The cheap friend
The friend who always suggests walking instead of getting a taxi, even though it’s a code red snowstorm weather warning outside they proceed to claim “it’s not that cold”. They only ever want to go to places with free entry and student drinks deals and always complain about being poor but refuse to enter their overdraft. When it comes to a takeaway after a night-out they watch everyone enjoy cheesy chips and donner kebabs and when asked if they’re getting anything they say “it’s okay, I have plenty of food at home”. And by food at home, they mean the supermarket’s own-branded bread straight from the reduced section.
2. The posh friend
On the opposite end of that spectrum, is the posh friend. The posh friend has a very specific and unique ability to bring every single conversation back to talking about their gap-yah. They are always completely baffled by the concept of buying unbranded vodka and exclusively drink Grey Goose. The posh friend also has a tendency to try to hide the fact they’re rich but often let slip when they first drop the bomb that they went to a SUPER posh private school. But as soon as the posh friend invites everyone to spend a weekend in their second holiday home in the countryside, all is forgotten about.
3. Wild friend
The friend you just can not control. Always up for a good time and would never say no to a night out. When they’re out, they know the words to every song the DJ plays and can often be prone to wandering off and returning hours later after you've already filed a missing persons report. They often wake up the next morning missing their phone, bank-card, ID, and dignity. An absolute liability but you love them anyway.
4. Mum friend
Need paracetamol? Ask the mum friend. Need some hand-gel or moisturiser? Ask the mum friend. Need someone to hold your hair back and feed you bread and water after a messy night? The mum friend has you covered. The mum friend might have taken a few years out before starting uni or maybe she is just a mum trapped inside a university student’s body. The mum friend will join you at pres then take themselves to bed as they have a 9am in the morning they just can’t miss. They are reliable, responsible, and always have your back.
5. The lazy friend
When you want to make plans with this friend it has to be after 3pm because they refuse to leave their bed before midday. Everyone wonders how on earth they are still at university as they have been to two lectures all term and start all their essays the night before they are due. The lazy friend can be identified by horrific sleeping patterns, a diet of pot-noodles and beans on toast, and bed sheets which haven’t been washed since freshers week.
6. The coursemate friend
Having a coursemate friend has a lot more benefits than just someone you share notes and library books with. They are the motivation to go to your lectures when you want to tell them all the gossip from the night before. However, they can also be the lack of motivation to go to lectures when they can go for you and tell you what you've missed. Even though they may not be in your immediate group of friends, they know every intimate detail of your personal life, every embarrassing night-out story, and have seen you at your most hungover, un-put together state in that 9am lecture.
7. The chef friend
Everyone enters university on a level playing field where we all have to cook for ourselves for the first time – but not the chef friend. The chef friend has trained all summer since they got their UCAS confirmation email and got a ‘Jamie Oliver 15 minute meals’ book for their birthday. When you do a flat Come Dine With Me the chef friend presents you with braised pork belly, parsnip pomme purée, smoked apple, crackling and a wine pairing to match. Their cupboards are filled to the brim with various herbs, spices and condiments that you've never heard of and they wouldn’t DARE use a packet mix. They're always silently judging you as you have pesto pasta for the third time this week.
8. The re-invented friend
This friend came to university looking for a fresh start. Maybe they weren’t the most popular in school, didn’t have much of a social life, and had quite strict parents. Coming to university is the chance to re-invent themselves. As a result, they are usually massive light-weights and always end up taking it too far. They love to document every social event on Snapchat to show everyone their new found freedom and they take 90% of the photos that you’re tagged in on Instagram. They are letting their hair down, living their best life, and generally just happy to be there.
9. The messy friend
Wherever this friend goes, the drama follows. After every night out you have to facetime to catch up on the night before. No night out is ever an easy breezy one – the messy friend either ends up in an argument, getting with someone they shouldn’t or getting kicked out of the club. Often you will find the messy friend in tears in the girls' toilet with mascara running down her face, but she will always run straight to the dance floor when she hears the opening bars to Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston. Her McDonalds order is probably chicken nuggets, her drink of choice is most likely a bottle of Summer Berries Echo Falls, and you wouldn’t have her any other way.
10. The LAD friend
The LAD friend usually takes about 1 minute of convincing before he decides to come out. One spritz of Lynx Africa, chuck on yesterday’s t-shirt, and bag himself a crate of beer and he is ready to go. He goes to all the sports socials and can often be found in the centre of the dancefloor with his top off singing Country Roads (Take Me Home). His drunk takeaway order is without a doubt a donner kebab and he will probably eat anyone else’s leftovers too. There is always that one guy who steals any random cones and street signs he can get his hands on – that is the LAD friend.